It doesn’t matter what kind of betrayal it is, or who it is, surviving betrayal can sometimes take more than a day to heal. I could tell you to move on, you are better off, and ask you why would you let another person sabotage your happiness?
I could repeat over and over how lucky you are to be you and that by being good, and not retaliating, you will be stronger than ever before. I could bring up the fact that this will help your personal growth. Surviving betrayal relationships is unique to each individual.
Well, I am not going to say all of those things that you have often heard before, but with that said, you will become stronger than ever before, and most definitely, more guarded. I will also tell you that you are strong enough already to make it through with a little time and you will become a survivor of betrayal in your own time, and your own way. Actually, no one has an immediate cure for betrayal for any individual.
What makes another individual betray someone who is a colleague, friend, spouse, or other family member? As you think about this question, here are some thoughts to think about:
1) We are all human and when our basic human needs are not being supplied, we can and will betray or hurt those that are around us. We may not even know that we have a need that is not being supplied, and it does not mean that it is your fault when you are betrayed.
2) If we have integrity, are honest and know ourselves well, we will not do it intentionally.
3) The human mind and soul were not made to intentionally become disengaged with the people around, take our hostility out on them, or become brutal betrayers.
4) A person who leaves us, may not really feel the way they think they do at the moment, but need something that shifts their emotional state back to normal. The latter does not always occur. They sometimes leave and decide they are happy where they are. Other times they realize it was all a mistake and only a distraction which they wish they could take back, but can’t for one reason or the other.
5) When a person feels threatened, they will sometimes make up excuses as to why they are behaving the way they are, why they feel the way they do, and blame you for it.
6) You must remember that you are the one who has control over you. People will take advantage and try to vindicate themselves by putting the blame on you. It is always pertinent that you not allow another person to make you feel that you are the source of the problem when you are not.
So, how does one master their life after they are betrayed by someone they love, whom they thought loved them, and how do you slowly move on?
1) First you try to put it into perspective. You then try to see it from the other person’s view point.
2) You take responsibility for your actions, and look at yourself first to see if you have been too caught up in your children (if any), your family, your work (if any) and yourself. Usually, if you work and have a family, you are more than likely too caught up with all of the above except yourself.
3) You try not to focus on the blame game.
4) You then try to focus on, is there room for this situation to change for the better?
5) When you are done with that part; you will then start to find ways to coping with the betrayal in a manner that is calm and serene.
6) Often in betrayal, we are never prepared for it. It is usually a surprise. The surprise or inability of not seeing it coming will make you mad at yourself. Being mad with yourself is not a solution, but it is a common feeling. Actually you should repeat every day the following words: “This is not my fault, (unless of course, it is. If it is then you must forgive yourself). I am a survivor, I am filled with new beginnings, and I will be okay. I love who I am, I am strong and neither this, nor anything else will change the fact that I have worth.”
7) Try not to drown in self-pity. So, often many people take the blame instead of putting the blame where it belongs. (Meaning, do not let it drag you down by thinking that you are not good enough without seeing that the other individual was actually not good enough).
8) Try to laugh. Laugh at anything, laugh when you are alone, even if you laugh until you cry. Laughter is medicine for the soul.
9) Never, ever stop believing that things happen for a purpose. Be it a lesson that needs to be learned, a path that needs to change, a trait that needs correcting, or just to become more enlightened about who you are.
You are in fact a beautiful being, filled with love, aspiration, talent, and potential. That has not changed because betrayal does not change our character, or who we are; unless we let it. Only you are in control of the final outcome when surviving betrayal relationships or any other life change.