How many times have you seen your child with this face? What did you do, and why? Did you get results, and did they do it again? Hopefully today we will give you some helpful information about thinking errors defiant children use against their parents.
The Mind of a Child
Children do not see things the same way their parents do. Without the benefit of years of experience, they act on emotion and instinct. They want what they want and do not mind using negative tactics to get it from you. It is all about them. Instead of evaluating a situation to see all sides, they only consider how they feel.
Oppositional Defiant Disorder *this is for informational purposes, and is not meant to scare or implement that all children could have this issue. Source-Mayo Clinic
Children with mental disorders like Oppositional Defiant Disorder can get caught in a bad cycle. This disorder cannot be cured, but treatment will help. This disorder can last for years or be lifelong. It should be medically diagnosed.
They start acting on these thinking errors and things spiral out of control from there. As long as you feed into their way of thinking with your behavior, they will continue to manipulate, yell, scream, and terrorize everyone around them. The solution is to get help.
The road to healing is long and hard. As parents, you are required to do a lot of the heavy lifting. The first step is to understand your children. Know how they think and what they do to get their way.
- “Injustice” stance – This is the thought that the entire world is against them. When things do not go their way, then nothing is fair and they should not have to comply. This means that if they decide that school sucks, they do not feel they should get up and go in the morning no matter what you say. In some ways, a defiant child can also be passive-aggressive by moving slowly so that they will have no other option but to get their way and stay home.
- “Pride in Negativity” stance – Kids always think that they know more than their parents do. Defiant children are great for needling their parents with things that they know that their parents are not aware of. They could say they learned how to steal or about drugs or about mature video games that they should not even be playing. It is nothing for them to tell their parents that they do not know what they are talking about to make you feel stupid or that they have “one up” on you.
- “Dishonesty” stance – Children do lie and will continue if allowed, and the situation is not conquered. Defiant children use lying, telling half-truths, and keeping secrets to deny their behavior is not acceptable. They may even mix some truth into the story to make it seem more plausible.
- “Victim” stance – This is a jewel in their crown. They always blame someone else for what happens to them or for what they do. Even if they are the aggressor, it is the other person’s fault. In other words, the other individual is to blame for their mis-conduct.
Recognize the methods that defiant kids use to justify their behavior. Teach them to change their way of thinking, it is better to get them to recognize their behaviors before they become more serious.
It is never easy to tackle a problem with a child that you love unconditionally. Remember though; they know you love them unconditionally, and they will use that in return to ignore you.
Taking a firm stance when your child who is doing things, which are not responsible, is not being cruel. With their future in jeopardy, bad behaviors are going to make their life unpleasant in the long-term should they continue. It is about teaching them the facts of life, and that no one can act disrespectful to others.